Wednesday, September 30, 2009

A Time of Change

A Time of Change

I’m feeling like someone just pulled the rug out from underneath me in a very dramatic, quick way. Strong storms with heavy rains and wicked winds swept summer right out of here Sunday night. I’ve been in a funk since.

The clashing of air masses coincided with the clashing of personalities at our house Monday night. It started with him hoping for the mailbox to reveal Pokemon cards I had ordered for him last week. Upon closer inspection, what appeared to be a package for myself was actually the package of cards he had been hoping for. Another lesson from the Universe; what you’re looking for is already here, you just have to open the envelope.

Later that night, I found myself in the midst of a physical battle between my two boys, and a test of wills between myself and my 9 year-old, Wyatt. As I stepped away from the scene, injured hand and bruised self-worth, I realized what my son was screaming into my awareness; I was once again caught up in resisting what is. I looked in the mirror and asked myself, “What is it that you’re doing that he is not shining?”

I was caught up in the fear and dread of an imagined future for myself; my son being the conduit for that message. Children express our repressions! I have proved this to myself on countless occasions. Wyatt was feeling worthless and victimized and wanted to run away and “move some place where there are more trees.”

I thought about how this paralleled to my own thinking. I had been feeling victimized by things I can’t control… the weather…worthless in regard to the endeavors I have been putting energy into with no apparent avail, and feeling like I was needing to be in a forest full of trees to take in nature’s Medicine, creating the space for the voice of my soul to be heard.

I needed to run through the forest in my head to get to the clearing…that still, quiet place beyond all the noise…to clear the space for the miracle amongst the rubble to emerge.

As I sat in a corner of my deck the following day, protected from the wind, letting my body absorb the sun’s gifts, I heard my soul speak; “The wind and the rain come into the life of a tree to make it grow stronger.”

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