Sunday, March 28, 2010


I wonder how many people I’ve let pass through my life because I was so focused on superfical elements, never taking the time to look into their heart and discover their true make-up—examine the treasures of who they truly are at their core?

I wonder how many times I missed being "wildly, desperately, completely, nakedly in love...baying at the Moon,” because I was so hung up on what other people thought?

I wonder how many people continue going south at sunset when their heart is pulling them north at sunrise?

I wonder how many will never experience true love in their life because they’re afraid to “get the fuck out of Dodge?”

When you let go of how you think it’s supposed to look, Life happens. When you look deeply into the eyes of another—straight into their soul, you come to know the depth of your own.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Start A Revolution

“Revolutions invent and destroy and they only go one way. It’s like watching a confused person in a revolving door for the first time. They push backwards, try to slow it down, fight the rotation…and then they embrace the process and just walk and it works.”
What I'm hearing from those words, stated in
Seth Godin's blog, describes life choices as I’ve experienced them.

When desiring to change some aspect of my life or self, I’m in essence starting a revolution. Something needs to be invented while something else needs to be destroyed. Once I’ve committed myself to the process, there’s no turning back because the essence of my self—true me, will not allow it. Perhaps it’s like jumping out of an airplane. Once you take that first step, you’re committed. Trying to turn back or stop the process would be impossible and may even kill you. The end result of that first step, I'm guessing, is euphoric with no regrets.

The process of change itself, is like the revolving door analogy. I walk in because I know it’s the way through to my heart’s desires. Once the door behind me encapsulates me, I may feel trapped and get a little scared. Panic may set in while fear begins to inhibit my rational thought process. I may want to back out, but the momentum has already begun. I may try to slow down the process for fear of moving too quickly in a direction of uncertainty, even though my heart is screaming for me to move forward.

Who you are at the core, your essential self, knows your truth—knows "this is it." At the same time, mind tells you stories of doom and gloom, failure and inadequacy. After all, its job is to keep you safe, not happy. And what’s familiar feels safe, even though it may not feel good. When you offer no resistance to the pull of your heart, move with it and embrace the process, you will walk right through that revolution and discover the rewards for biting the bullet. Surrender! It’s not a trap—it’s the passageway to freedom.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


Life is a ride. Unexpected variables often enter the journey. They may throw me off course or take me to places or through experiences I never imagined. Sometimes they stop me dead in my tracks, other times they skew my sense of direction, leaving me completely disoriented. When I let my heart take the lead, I always find my way. So, I try to accept the variables as they come because they are what truly create the adventure. They make the experience just that—an experience.

I can't straighten the roads, smooth out the bumps, or widen the curves, I just ride them however they may present, or represent, themselves. I don't resist anything that shows up on the road. I ride with it, avoid it, or ride around it.

When I'm intrigued by a road, my heart pulling me in its direction, I just have to take it to see what's there and where it will lead me. At times it may be a dead end, others times a difficult to navigate dirt or gravel road, yet most often it’s a blissful discovery of beauty, leading me to even more spectacular roads I would have otherwise missed.

When I end up on a road that has me feeling agitated and dissatisfied, I get off of it as fast as I can. The discomfort I’m feeling is my heart telling me where I don’t belong, and that it’s time to find a new road to travel.

I like taking back roads. The ones most pass by for whatever reason—apprehension, insecurity, conditioning. I like the roads others fear or sneer at. That’s where I sense true freedom. That’s where I feel euphoric. That’s where I find me. And nature and my Self become one.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Riding Out Resistance

4:00 AM: Up to check emails that filtered in overnight and to hammer away at a few writing projects while not a creature was stirring. 5:30 AM: Ready to give my laptop and phone a whip off the deck into the wild black yonder. Reality and my plans had not been collaborating for the past several days and it wasn’t looking good for today either.

Leaving my neighborhood to take my boys to school, I noticed my “For Sale by Owner” sign on the side of the highway was missing. That was the last straw. I couldn’t contain myself any longer. The gasket blew. My 11 year-old piped softly from behind, “It’s OK, Mom. Let it out.” Piping very loudly inside of my head was the voice, “What’s the flippin’ message now?” “What lesson am I up for now?” “Can’t I just get a break from this shit?” “Stop the world and let me off, preferably somewhere in the Rocky Mountains near Bozeman!”

I didn’t walk my kids into the school building, they understood. I looked like I just lost everything I ever had…and maybe that’s exactly what was happening. The old practices were dying, yet struggling to hold onto familiar ground, not completely ready to let go. After all, they’ve gotten pretty comfortable (though unproductive) here over the years.

Driving to my favorite secluded running trail, I started wailing and screaming like a child, “What gives?” My heart fires right back at me, “Why do you keep trying so hard to push the river?” “Good one,” I say to myself, and think, “I’m burning myself out trying to push against obstructions and currents.” Again, the heart speaks, “Give yourself a break and just flow with it, obstacles and all. You’ll handle it.”

I hopped on that trail leaving a barrage of rubbish as I disappeared into the woods. The more I lightened the load in my mind, the more sensitive I became to my surroundings. I began to notice how many more birds were chirping, the emerging buds on the ends of branches, and the soil and waters peaking through winter’s vanishing veil. The subtle indications of spring forthcoming were transpiring right before me and in my pushing to try to make things happen, I lost sight of the signs of growth beneath my own veils.

As I neared the trail’s end, I walked down to a segment of the river still covered with ice. I lay down on top of it, my ear flush with the surface, listening while absorbing the energy of the moving water; my body relaxing and loosening its grip. As I allowed more rubbish to ride away with the river, I focused on the sounds of its movement and the voice of the river amplified. Good Medicine!

When you quiet the mind and listen with your heart, everything begins to become clearer and louder. And when the shit comes at you faster than you think you can handle it, acknowledge and accept the obstacles, drop your guns, and ride it out.

The river may be frozen on the surface, but the energy beneath is constant. Like nature, the heart is constantly speaking. Sometimes you just have to stop focusing on what you see so you can hear what’s being spoken. Sometimes you just have to shut up and listen. And other times, you just have to throw your guts up on the pavement so you can.