This has been a powerful week for me, one of major shifts in consciousness. I sense myself in the midst of a major transformation.
I started the week diligently disciplining myself to practice living as many moments as possible as if they were the last hoorah. As I’m writing this, I realize what caused my derailment mid-week; discipline! I was being way too hard on myself, trying to control rather than shape my thoughts/moods. That led to a string of events, which led to an onslaught of false beliefs pummeling me like a machine gun with infinite rounds of ammunition. I went from joyful, “everything is cool,” “I’m heading in the right direction,” “I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be,” “everything is happening exactly as it should and right on time,” to being absolutely miserable.
The aftermath of a week long antibiotic treatment had me feeling physically miserable. My mind naturally latched onto that misery and created a shitload of drama. It was out to prove that misery loves company. And that’s how the whole snowball effect got started.
I bought into self-pity, having had myself convinced that I was a useless looser, who’d end up broke within 4 months, eligible for food stamps, unable to find work, losing my kids, having to sell my house, being diagnosed with at least three different forms of cancer, a fat, old, ugly maid, blah, blah, blah! Where was all this coming from and why was I believing it??
The knock-down, drag-out, bloody fight between my two boys in the backseat of our Jeep, on the interstate was an inspiration to me. When my kids act up, I ask myself what it is that I am repressing. The answer to that answer was real clear today. I had spent the majority of my day beating the shit out of myself and there they were, expressing my repressions. That incident shifted my perspective and I was able to see the light! If I wanted things to change, I’d have to change what I was thinking. Thus, the transformation began.
The next morning I hit the tredmill as opposed to the trail due to rain. The only way for me to make it six miles on a treadmill is to crank up my iPod. Inspiration beset me as I listened to Dwight Yoakum’s rendition of an old Buck Owens tune, Loves Gonna Live Here Again. That ended up being my mantra for the day. When my actions and thoughts began to come from a place of love, I became a magnet for joyful experiences and the receptor of inspiring ideas, filling me with energy and life!
The following morning, I startled an eagle while running one of my forest trails. I always know the eagles by the way my body responds to the sightings; every cell feels their magnificence. Driving home, an old Bodeen’s verse in my head, “Everybody wants to be closer to free,” I saw another eagle! The messages of eagle are to love the shadows as well as the light. Follow the joy your heart desires. When you face your fears you will soar.
That evening, while sitting on my deck, I saw two shooting stars! I made my wishes, knowing in my heart that I have the power to make them come true. All it takes is a change of heart. And perhaps a couple of kids to remind me. Who needs Post-it Notes!
***Watch for the release of a new book, Changes of the Heart, being released December 1 and 2. Available at www.amazon.com I’m one of 13 Life Coach co-authors, my chapter title is Motorcycle Medicine.***