TRUTH vs. TRUTH

To me, there are two types of truth. A scientific, provable truth like, if you touch a hot stove, you’ll burn your hand. Then there’s truth sense, felt only by each individual, not measurable by any rational, concrete means—just an inner knowing, an energy force—a sense so knowing to the essential self, and so strong, it just takes over mind—all conditioning, programming, coercion. Mind says a lot of shit. I’ve learned to tell mind to get out of my way so I can follow that force—what I feel to be truth, and just let mind take a back seat. I haven’t mastered it, though I’m getting better. Mind is just doing what it was designed to do. Protect me from whatever it has learned to be bad, dangerous, or immoral.

What I perceive to be truth is not what the majority perceive it to be. Never has. For as long as I can remember, I hid my own truth, let the status quo win over my heart. I buried my “voice” for 45 years, afraid of ridicule, not fitting in, not doing what made others happy, not being approved of for the choices I made. Truth, my truth, makes me tick. For me, it’s a tingling of the skin, rushing through every cell of my body saying, “Yes, this is me!” I know when it’s ticking. It’s undeniable and I have insatiable energy. And I know when I get that ugly, shitty feeling in my gut and my throat starts to constrict, there’s an attempt being made to squelch my truth by my mind, or others’ minds.

I used to place a lot of emphasis on doing what made other people happy, not stirring the pot. I’m through. The emphasis is now on the importance of my truth. If someone doesn’t like what I say, do, or feel, that’s OK. I have spent way too much time trying to make other people happy because of what they felt to be truth.

I have always been an extremely intuitive person. I had premonitions and visions as a kid that freaked people out, especially my mom. I became afraid of them. It took me a long time to recover that—to let it be again, own it, and trust it. Truth to me is when the body/heart/soul says “fuck you” to the mind, jumps on the road, and cranks the throttle. The result—pure, unmistakable joy!

There’s truth of the mind and truth of the heart. We need both to survive. I prefer to place greater emphasis on the truth of the heart, which I believe has its own mind, even if no one else does.